Thursday, December 29, 2011

Are you willing to cut off your arm I wasn't for two years.

VIDEO FROM 127 HOURS Arm Amputation Scene

There comes a point in many peoples lives when you have to give something up to move forward. 2011 was that kind of year. The pain attached to letting go can be mentally or physically debilitating. In 2010 -2011 I quickly realized that my ego, false self, was in my way and was holding me back from all the dreams I have ever had. There was a young "I" inside of me that left me always protecting my self and wanting to look out for numero uno. Over the course of the past two years that "I" slowly begun to burn and die. I wish I could say it was a fast death but it wasn't, two whole years OUCH!! It was a two year death march. I was debilitated with migraine headaches for much of 2010. I would start my week on Monday and by Friday I could not get out of bed. The headaches were so bad I would resort to vomiting many Fridays. I didn't talk much about these episodes slowly wishing they would go away. 6 months into the year I began to go to acupuncture with help tremendously. I began to wear hats to keep the tension on my head from distracting me in my day to day activities. 2011 was much the same I had a fog over me that rarely went away.

Through this time I searched everywhere to find an answer. I resorted to positive mental attitude, blaming the circumstances around me, reading books, running, training harder. None of these worked. What keep popping up for me was my ego had to g,o but I was not aware of how to make this happen. What  I eventually learned:
  1. I didn't really listen to any one and hadn't my whole life unless you were on a stage or had some kind of importance. 
  2. I always resorted to protecting my own ass.
  3. I knew and no one else knew. 
  4. Ask for forgiveness Gods grace is waiting.
  5. Faith and Love are the highest calling of man. 
  6. Serve your neighbors as your self. 
Well, this is more info then I would like to share but I wanted to end the 30 years of self and I. I am committed to others more then ever and am ready to go the distance. I am not perfect and imagine I will screw up but will do my best to humbly get on my knees and pray for guidance from God.

Looking forward to 2012.